God Won't Let Me Quit

“I love you so, SO much, Phoebe”

Tears wet my burrowed face as I sink deeper into the crevice of my arms. I came to this posture before Jesus, and there the world feels distant for a moment. It’s just Jesus. It’s just me, and as I stop speaking for a moment I hear God continually confess His love for me. He repeats that phrase, and I am so moved... but still stuck.

“I am not excited about discipline, God. But make me excited about You.” 

I pray out of frustration. I’ve been lingering in a season of stumped. I know God wants me to make changes, and I acknowledge His reasoning in agreement... and grab another guilty pleasure to end the convo. That’s how this works, right? Unfortunately... but oh so fortunately... nope.

“I want to give you more and more life, sweetheart.”

His persistence almost annoys me, until His grace reminds me how loving this whole thing happens to be. He keeps coming to me in my refusals, and beckons me to just bare my complete self to Him. Not in dictation, but out of a loving heart God asks for surrender. The will is there, and intent is good... but I almost don’t know how to relent. It is that simple. It is not natural to rend your heart over and release control entirely. I fight and I wrestle with this God who sees potential in me. I struggle and I run, and HE KEEPS ON. He keeps on.

I’m undone, and done, and ready.

Jesus wants the all of us, sweetie. The whole enchilada on the plate. The further we walk with Him, the more He asks of us. He trains us to continually sell out to Him, and its hard. And I want to tell you that there are days that I just want to quit; really, there are! But the mercy God offers me and the love He, Himself He has carved out for me is just too deep. I realize when I want to quit, I have often complicated where our gracious God simplifies and works it all out.

So friend, come back to Jesus with me. Grab my hand and let’s keep moving towards whatever the will of God is calling us. It is hard because it’s worth it. It hurts because it is changing us. There is more ahead, and it is going to be good. He has already marked this thing out for us; Let’s go!

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,” - Hebrews 12:1

“But true discipline is a far cry from legalism - thank God! The difference lies in motivation:  Legalism is self centered; discipline is God-centered. the legalistic heart says, “I will do this to gain merit with God.” The disciplined heart says,: I will do this because I love God and want to please him.” The true heart of discipline is relationship - a relationship with God.” - Barbara Hughes, Disciplines of a Godly Woman

God Won't Let Me Quit

Nehemiah Day 10: Let's Be Real

Burlap is a trend that has taken over the event/wedding scene the past couple of years, but I can assure you sackcloth was not all the rage during this decade. 

Nevertheless, this is where we find our friends...

Today in chapter 9, we see the neighborhood come together again, uniting once again for a purpose.

"On the twenty-fourth day of the same month, the Israelites gathered together, fasting and wearing sackcloth and putting dust on their heads. Those of Israelite descent had separated themselves from all the foreigners. They stood in their places and confessed their sins and the sins of their ancestors. They stood where they were and read from the Book of the Law of the Lord their God for a quarter of the day, and spent another quarter in confession and in worshiping the Lord their God." - 9:1-3

In Day 9 we saw how the Israelites were hungry to hear God's law. They carved out time to unite in understanding His word and His heart towards them. The Israelites had experienced the joy and satisfaction God's truth brought their hearts.

Today, we see this stirring only left them wanting more! 
You see, the Law that had been read to them required a response. The Lord had instructed them to confess sin and return to Him, and He would be their God. They acted in faith by following the guidelines set out for them by the Lord. Sometimes faith is simple, practical obedience. 
Following their roadmap for repentance, they came together and confessed sin of their own, and sin that did not even belong to them! They wanted to set the record completely straight before God, who is pleased by a pure heart.

Their prayer (that is totally worth reading 9:5-37), involved more than confession. They continually acknowledged God for his patience, constant compassion, and infinite power. My prayers should look more like looking at God, than looking at me. See some of their recollections below:

"But you are a forgiving God, gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love. Therefor you did not desert them,"  - 9:17

"For many years you were patient with them." 9:30

"But in your great mercy you did not put an end to them or abandon them, for you are a gracious and merciful God." 9:31

"In all that has happened to us, you have remained righteous; you have acted faithfully, while we acted wickedly." - 9:33

Our shortcomings always point back to a God who's  FULL-filling. 

What can we take away from these honest prayers?

If we structure our prayers in truth, I have a feeling God is pleased. 

• We can look at Truth in our prayers; He has a face. We can and should acknowledge who God is before and after us, from everlasting to everlasting.

• We can look at Truth in the bible, and see countless measures of His faithful acts and heart. Taking those stories we learn, and reminding and acknowledging God with those in prayer is a great way to start. It gives us a resume of who we are talking to! Also we are given a perfect mirror to see where we stand.

• Next, our prayers should show the truth of who were are. We can confess before God what fills our heart, and how we have messed up. Truth of where it hurts, and where we have hurt. Truth of dreams and hopes, and honest desires, and concerns...If we lay our real, honest hearts bare before God (as he already sees us), and ask for His Truth to change our present state, we can have peace with God through Jesus (Romans 5:1). 

He is our perfect match.  He will guide us in what's next from there.

Precious Lord, You are a faithful and loving God. We lay our hearts bare before you. You know our hidden places, hurts, and hopes. You know the truth we need in You. Draw our hearts to You that we might have a clearer picture of who You are. When we see You, there is not a way we won't be changed! Call us to prayer that pleases You, and changes us. Guide us that we might be obedient from there. We want to know you, Jesus. In your precious name, Amen.

Nehemiah Day 10: Let's Be Real

Nehemiah Day 9:

Today we will pick up in chapter 8.

"The Israelites had settled in their towns, all the people came together as one in the square before the Water gate." 8:1 

The Israelites moved into the neighborhood. How marvelous must it have been to see a ghost town come back to life? Unpacked and probably unsure what to make of their made new-old home, they gathered for some new neighbor mingling. Though this was much different than that awkward community bar-b-que you probably so deeply love...

I imagine that the Israelites wanted to get it right this time. Don't we all? They had seen the miracle the Lord had provided them in reviving their home, and they wanted to honor Him. So they sent for the priest to instruct them from the Law of God, and Ezra was the guy for the job.

"He read it aloud from daybreak till noon as he faced the square before the Water Gate in the presence of the men, women and others who could understand. And all the people listened attentively to the Book of the Law." 8:2-3

They listened. They cared. They longed for what was true, and in that desire they went straight to the source of truth: God's word. 

"Ezra praised the Lord, the great God; and all the people lifted their hands and responded, "Amen! Amen!" Then they bowed down and worshiped the Lord with their faces to the ground." 8:6

When truth shows up on the scene, it pushes out what is untrue within us. We are untangled from lies, and set free in what remains. Truth moves us straight to worship because we see plainly the faithfulness of God. It was the Laws of God that brought them joy! Boundaries are good for us, friends. They safeguard our heart and entire being for protection. They liberate us, making room for freedom, not vice versa.

In case that wasn't enough, The Levites, who were responsible to God for the priesthood of the people,"instructed the people in the Law while the people were standing there. They read from the Book of the Law of God, making it clear and giving the meaning so that the people understood what was being read." 8:8

So before the people had fully understood the truth, they reacted to it. God is vast, and in our simplicity of human nature it can be hard to decode the words of our Holy and Almighty God. We need His Holy Spirit to teach us. Seeing their desire, God so cared that He provided those who could put the Word into laymen's terms.

We don't have to turn away from truth if we don't understand; we simply ask God for His insight and trust that whether or not we receive it, our response should still be worship. Worship for what we comprehend, and worship in awe in that we cannot fathom. 

The Israelites had probably reached some emotional hi's that day, to say the least! Our homes Neh calls it time to feast. Thank goodness there is a time for that!

"Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have noting prepared. This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength." 8:10

"Then all the people went away to eat and drink, to send portions of food and to celebrate with great joy, because they now understood the words that had been made known to them." 8:12

Bring us joy through Your Words, Sweet Lord, that we might be changed and strengthened by them. You are our One True King. Thank you for letting us in on how to live. Thank you for the rest we can find by simply trusting in Your Name.  Push us to push towards you, and strengthen your daughters in truth that we might honor You more. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Nehemiah Day 9:

Nehemiah Day 8: A Message

My heart is soft this morning, and I feel the Lord has a message for us.

"When all our enemies heard about this, all the surrounding nations were afraid and lost their self-confidence, because they realized this work had been with the help of our God." 6:16

I have to stop there today. I have to attest to the truth in this statement, and I have to raise my hands and bow my heart to the wisdom of our Lord. Each road I have walked hand in hand with the Lord has led to His perfect plan, perfect peace, and more of His Presence. No matter how narrow the path, God never leaves our sides, sweetheart. Do you hear it? He never leaves you, never forsakes you, no matter how messy times may feel.

He calls us to step out in obedience to Him, just like Nehemiah & so many other stories in scripture. We simply step in step, and He directs, counsels, guides, provides, comforts, and so much more. He takes care of you, loved one... the whole package, the whole deal.

God calls us in our inadequacy because HE is adequate! 

Nehemiah had never built a wall to this scale; He was a rookie!! But the Lord put in his heart (7:5) how to go proceed throughout the process. Noah had never built an ark (no one had)!!! But the Lord instructed and rewarded obedience.

He calls us in trust because His ways are perfect!! God gets things done in us and through us as His vessels. He uses us because he chooses to, and He cares about our involvement. He doesn't have to. Even the rocks will cry out if we do not (Luke 19:40). It is a privilege to be chosen by the One True God.

That Holy God, that Most High King bends down to listen to you, little love. He wraps you up under the covering of His wings, singing over you. Let Him today. Don't miss this right now. Allow Him to achieve His purposes in His wisdom. As for us? Let's just crawl underneath His shelter and trust He is God, and He will show us the way.

His Help alone will make our enemies turn back and shudder. Jesus is our victory.

Nehemiah Day 8: A Message

Nehemiah Day 7: Seeking Wisdom

Great progress has been made on this project! Nehemiah was determined to finish what he began for the Lord.  I find it by no mistake that the 3 attempted attacks we will read about today come in the same chapter that the wall was completed.

We have a loving God who heals our hearts and lives, and we have a vicious enemy who is always seeking to destroy them (John 10:10). Even more so when he sees progression in our lives.

"...I had rebuilt the wall and not a gap was left in it-" 6:1

Ever so nonchalantly our buddy shares this huge victory! Hard work and effort and determination had been disciplined by Neh and others for this to happen, but the glory belonged to The Lord.

In the same breath of this proclamation, Neh tells us that his enemies were "scheming to harm me;" (6:2). His enemies did not come out and say harm was their mission, but God given wisdom and discernment was given to Nehemiah to test their invitations to meet.

Not only once did they ask Neh to meet, but four times they insisted! The enemy doesn't give up easily, friends. Nehemiah consistently responded to each four invitations with reason. He was not going to leave his work to meet without valid cause.

Clearly seeing that Neh was not willing to meet their request, they changed their game plan. The fifth advance of this attack came with a sealed letter reading:

"It is reported among the nations and Geshem says it is true - that you and the Jews are plotting to revolt, and therefore you are building the wall. Moreover, according to these reports you are about to become their king and have even appointed prophets to make this proclamation about you in Jerusalem: "There is a king in Judah!" Now this report will get back to the king; so come, let us meet together." 6:6-7

Nah, Neh's not having it.

"I sent him this reply: Nothing like what you are saying is happening; you are just making it up out of your head."  6:8

In desperation, Neh's enemies straight up lie! They accuse, mislead, and make up info to try and sway our buddy. Those are the tools of the theif!

Sweetheart, if news comes to you in this manner, be sure to test it before God, and know this is not His nature! The Lord does not accuse, he convicts to bring us to Himself. In fact, Satan himself is called the Accuser (Rev. 12:10)!!

"They were trying to frighten us, thinking "Their hands will get to weak for the work, and it will not be completed. But I prayed, "Now strengthen my hands." 6:9

Neh saw straight through the intent of this message. But even in his determination, Nehemiah was weak. Only human. He knew it would take God's strength to complete and combat. So reaching out in confidence, he invited God in once again.

We learn from our friend in his consistency to pray when he faces opposition. Because attack wasn't stopping there...Each time the attacks against him became more deceitful, hidden, and harder to discern. And each time The Lord gave Nehemiah what was needed to see the truth.

While visiting a local resident's home, a third attack is attempted. The suggestion is made to leave:

"Let us meet in the house of God, inside the temple, and let us close the temple doors, because men are coming to kill you - by night they are coming to kill you." 6:10

Though intent initially appeared to be good, Neh refused the idea of running away from trouble that confronted him. It is important for us to look deeper than the surface of a matter. 

God also allows Nehemiah to see that "God had not sent him (the message deliverer). He had been hired to intimidate me so that I would commit a sin by doing this, and then they would give me a bad name to discredit me." 6:12-13

If Satan cannot stop you by discouraging you, he will try to tempt and discredit you. 
This is not God's nature! The Lord is the exact opposite!

"A thief comes only to steal and to kill and to destroy. I have come so that they may have life and have it in abundance." - John 10:10

The Lord we serve is completely able. He is full of wisdom to direct us, strength to fuel us, and had abundant life to give us. The mission in front of you might seem difficult... and it is, love. On our own we have nothing, but in Jesus we have it all! Look to Him, as our buddy Neh did. Ask Him to strengthen you to press forward, and to equip you with discernment & wisdom.

"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." - James 1:5


His ways are good, and His precepts are trustworthy, and He always comes through! Though war wages against us, He will not lose us in battle if we choose Him!


Happy weekend, loves <3

Nehemiah Day 7: Seeking Wisdom

Nehemiah Day 6: Acting Faithfully

We left off in part one of chapter 5 with Nehemiah standing up for the poor. He stood boldly, and gave a voice to the underprivileged. Nehemiah used his position of authority to act for the justice of others.

Today, let's focus more on how Nehemiah's actions enabled others to live more freely.

The Lord had entrusted Neh with a project... I imagine he did not know he had signed up for the responsibility of the people as well! But regardless, He took what was entrusted to Him by God seriously. If we look to scripture, we can find some insight and wisdom by looking at his responses:

1. He confronted the source of the problem.

Nehemiah's response to injustice was anger, but in his anger he did not sin. Instead, he "called a large meeting to deal with them" (5:7). Once the people were gathered he did not shy away from the truth, but shed light to what was happening: "What you are doing is not right. Shouldn't you walk in the fear of our God to avoid the reproach of our Gentile enemies? I and my brothers and my men are also lending the people money and grain. But let us stop charging interest!" (5:9-10)

2. He held those under his leadership/influence accountable. He took action in justice.

"Give back to them immediately their fields, vineyards, olive groves and houses, and also the interest you are charging them - one percent of the money, grain, new wine and olive oil." (5:11)  

& Guess what? They listened! It was Nehemiah's job to call to action and remind them of truth, but God changes hearts to comply.

3. He led by example at the cost of his own comforts.

Nehemiah shares his official nomination for governor, and he handles his position with humility by honoring God. People in special position had previously been allotted more resources and land from the people's tax... but "it placed a heavy burden on the people" (5:15). He could have demanded what he was "owed"..."But out of reverence for God I did not act like that. Instead, I devoted myself to the work on this wall" (5:15-16). Neh was not excluded from making change; it cost something of him as well. His heart had to be to honor God, and not himself. Our motives must always be to make Him prosper, not ourselves. 

4. He gave more than was asked.

While problem solving might have sufficed, Nehemiah did not stop there. Not only did he accept less for himself, he generously shared what was given to him with others. "A hundred and fifty Jews and officials ate at my table, as well as those who came to us from the surrounding nations" (5:17). He prepared feasts for huge parties .... at his table! I don't know about you, but cooking for two is crazy at times... but Neh invited others into the blessing that had been shared and prepared for him. How sweet!

You see, Nehemiah committed all he had to God. His plans, his purpose, his provisions existed only to please the Lord. 

"Commit your actions to the LORD, and your plans will succeed." - Proverbs 16:3

"Therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, I urge you to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God; this is your spiritual worship." - Romans 12:1

What has God entrusted to you in this life? Family? Friendships? Marriages and occupations? Desires, talents and skills? How can we honor God in these? Let's ask him to help us, because if we are willing... don't you think He has been all along? Precious one, the Lord can multiply the insufficient fish and bread we think we offer, and make miracles... Just ask a young boy who gave what he had to Jesus, and experienced satisfaction for many! Our obedience is not only for us, but for others as well <3. Let's not miss it!

To Jesus be all the glory, and honor, and power <3 Amen.

Nehemiah Day 6: Acting Faithfully

Nehemiah Day 5: God Cares

Welcome, Day fivers! Let's dig into day five: Nehemiah Chapter 5 part one

So far in Nehemiah, opposition and discord had come from the outside in. The Jews had been working together whole heartedly to rebuild their protective wall, and trusting the Lord under Nehemiah's leadership.

Chapter five begins with "a great outcry" from within the land. The poor bring their concern to Nehemiah's attention. They were working hard, yet were deprived of the food and funds they needed for their families. These people had even been forced to mortgage their property in order to receive food and pay taxes!! It was especially difficult to provide for family during this time because there was famine.

"Although we are of the same flesh and blood as our fellow Jews, and though our children are as good as theirs, yet we have to subject our sons and daughters to slavery. Some of our daughters have already been enslaved, but we are powerless, because our fields and our vineyards belong to others." 5:5

The poor were living out of balance and underprivileged, over worked and taken advantaged of by the wealthy....and change was out of their power.

Upon receiving this information, Nehemiah "was very angry." His concern for others was authentic, and seeing injustice did not settle with him.

When God's people are hurting that takes priority. 
Nehemiah immediately took action. With the wall on the back burner, he gives a voice to the people who's were not being heard. Neh was given a position of authority which required responsibility. Project management was not his only title, but the people the project concerned. Caring for other's lives always takes priority over tasks, regardless of the importance the task might hold.

Nehemiah confronts the source. He calls together the nobles and officials, saying:

"What you are doing is not right. Shouldn't you walk in the fear of our God to avoid the reproach of our Gentile enemies? I and my brothers and my men are also lending the people money and grain. But let us stop charging interest! Give back to them immediately their fields, vineyards, olive groves and houses, and also the interest you are charging them - one percent of the money, gran, new wine, and olive oil." - 5:9-11

Restoring protection by a wall and provision for their needs, Nehemiah cared about the people's well being as a whole....

This heart was given to him by a God who cares about every detail of his children's lives. 
From healing hurt to providing resources, our God misses nothing.

Does change feel out of your control, sweet one? Is there an area of your life in which you feel powerless? Not only does our God have concern for your need, He fights on your behalf and will bring justice for you. We can completely rely on Him, because He is powerful when we are powerless.

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." - 2 Corinthians 12:9

Bring before Him your need; He bends down to hear you, precious & loved child of God <3
In Jesus Christ we lack nothing, and no good thing does God withhold from those who love Him!

Nehemiah Day 5: God Cares

Nehemiah Day Four: Persevere

If you are new with us- welcome! We are reading Nehemiah, and following his journey in restoration! Today we read on in chapter 3 to see the Israelites come together, laboring side by side. Each is assigned uniquely, and completes their task properly. Everyone's work was vital; the wall as a whole could not hold together without each individual doing their part. Every part matters, dear one.

As progress is made in chapter 4, enemies oppose all the more. Hear the absolute rage that restoration brings the enemy!!!"What are those feeble Jews doing? Will they restore their wall? Will they offer sacrifices? Will they finish in a day? Can they bring the stones back to life from those heaps of rubble-burned as they are?" - Nehemiah 4:2

They were going through with it! The enemies' best weapon was trying to infuse their vulnerability and weakness with doubt. But opposition is faced the same way Nehemiah has patterned his behavior: prayer.

"Hear us, our God, for we are despised. Turn their insults back on their own heads. Give them over as plunder in a land of captivity. Do not cover up their guilt or blot out their sins from your sight, for they have thrown insults in the face of the builders." - 4:4-5

And strength to continue their work comes from their refocusing through communion with God. "So we rebuilt the wall till all of it reached half its height, for the people worked with all their heart." -4:6

Being a part of God's purposes calls everything from us- all our hearts. We must be sold out and committed. Nehemiah directly says, "the work is extensive and spread out" (v19). It was hard people! And there is no doubt our buddies had never faced a task this large... but "GAPS WERE BEING CLOSED" (v7). Change was happening! GOD will bring results...WE have to bring all of ourselves for Him to work with.

A half hearted wall would not have cut it. You see, a spot without glue (because builders use elmers, right?) could have made the whole wall crumble! Just so, half of our heart is not a pleasing sacrifice to God. He wants all of us, so we can share in ALL of Him! The reward on investment is amazing <3!

The best part is The Lord is the active ingredient at work within us for His purposes (Philippians 2:13)!!!  While this remains true, that vital ingredient produces activity in us! He invites into what He is doing. In this case, The Lord invited the Israelites to trust Him in restoration, doing their part, with all their hearts.

They simply had to keep their eyes on the prize.

"Finishing is better than starting. Patience is better than pride."- Ecclesiastes 7:8

Today may we ask the Lord for patience to complete whatever He has set before us. May we offer all our hearts to the purposes of the Lord, and follow through with humility and perseverance.

Build on builder, the Lord is with you.

Nehemiah Day Four: Persevere

Nehemiah Day Three: Brick by Brick

If you are new with us- welcome! We are reading Nehemiah, and following his journey in restoration! Today we find him at the beginning of his vacay days given by the boss (THE KING!!) and join him upon his arrival to Jerusalem. Enjoy & follow along in Nehemiah Chapter 2:11-20.

Providing supplies, the King sent Neh on his way with more than he asked. His testimony of God's faithfulness spurred him on into a mission that spoke to his heart. Neh ventures to Jerusalem, and in wisdom momentarily keeps to himself his big idea given by God.

Upon arrival, Neh assesses the damage that has been done, the holes, burns, and give aways of the wall. Although God had put specific instruction "in his heart" (2:12), Neh did not act abruptly. He acted in obedience by acting wisely before God.

There was a process that needed to take place. How could he rebuild a wall if he did not know where it was broken? How can we receive healing if we don't first become familiar with where we are broken?

If Neh didn't examine the prior state of the wall, he could not properly construct a new and improved version.  Don't we receive a diagnosis at the doctor's office before we are prescribed a treatment plan? I imagine another benefit would serve him as well... His familiarity with the old would prove the transformation ever more beautiful to him.

After Neh took the steps needed to begin the process of rebuilding what was broken, he shared his vision and his process with the people around him.

"Come, let us rebuild the wall of Jerusalem, and we will no longer be in disgrace." I also told them about the gracious hand of my God on me and about what the king has said to me.they replied, "Let us start rebuilding." So they began this good work.  (emph mine- 2:17-18)

The people heard the good news of restoration, and they wanted it! They stepped up and signed up to be apart of what was happening! But more importantly, they started. 

Listen Love, that first brick you are laying in your process may not look like much, but it is a beginning! Whatever your mission is: to heal, to grow, to be obedient... that first brick means something. It lays a foundation for what is to come, another brick!! And another, and another! A wall starts with ONE BRICK.  Much like...becoming whole again starts with one choice.

AS SOON as their heart beat agreed with a "yes," their enemies came against them. Not in a rage, but in doubt and accusation.

"But when Sanballat the Horonite, Tobiah the Ammonite official, and Geshem the Arab heard about it, they mocked and ridiculed us. "What is this you are doing? They asked " Are you rebelling against the king?" - Chapter 2:19

Do not be alarmed by that doubtful voice that assaults and accuses you upon the beginning of a mission; expect it! When God plants good seeds in us, the enemy seeks to snatch them up before they begin to grow! Look how Neh responds in the face of mockery:

"The God of heaven will give us success." 2:20 (emph mine)

WILL GIVE us success. He was confident of what God has spoken to him, and that is how he approached his opposition! God will not call us to embark on something that will not bring Him glory! His glory IS our success, sweet one! He has made us whole in himself, and new through Jesus! When His glory is our goal, we cannot lose because we agree with Him. We are protected by His promise. We can step in confidence, and He calls us to do that:

"being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." - Philippians 1:6

He will not stop this work. Are we willing to lay the next brick with him?

Let's start today!

Nehemiah Day Three: Brick by Brick

Nehemiah Chapter Two: Prayers Come to Life!

So last time we left the scene with Nehemiah's face-down-all-out prayer to his God. He cried out of his grief for the vulnerability his people in Judah were experiencing. The broken down city wall they lamented symbolized despair and weakness, and literally left them exposed as a people. Nehemiah lived in Persia at the time, and as mentioned yesterday he worked as the cupbearer to the king.

You see, he had this unique position as cupbearer. Not only was Nehemiah trusted in his place of work... but trusted with someone's life...THE KING'S LIFE! This is telling about Neh's (nickname...your welcome) character. Tasting the king's wine for poison might not seem like the major we would choose in college these days, but it was a place of humble honor. Especially for someone that was a foreigner in Persia!

In his job I feel it's fair to say Neh must have been:  consistent, honest, reliable, trustworthy, humble.

You see God was about to act BIG TIME. God had brought Neh into a position for what was about to happen. Though the platform had been graciously given by God, if Neh did not do his part to be reputable and honorable to his earthly masters he might have missed out on an opportunity to serve God and his nation.

In the New Testament it is put like this:
"Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much." - Luke 16:10

So I wanted to talk about work because we actually catch back up with him in the palace in chapter two. Neh is going throughout his to day to duties before the king when his boss takes notice of his sad demeanor. "Why does your face look so sad when you are not ill? This can be nothing but sadness of the heart."- Neh. 2:2

Gulp. Cat's out of the bag... with a reputation of honesty, Neh knew he must be honest before his employer... aka THE KING (can't drive that point in enough!). Our buddy even tells us he was "very much afraid" in his response to the king. But in the face of fear, he speaks of what burdens him.

Very much to his surprise, the king implores "What is it you want?" -Neh. 2:4

The very next words on this bible page read... "Then I prayed to the God in heaven.."
Beautiful!!! In a moment's breath of the heart, Neh laid this before the Lord. I love it! Though we don't know the prayer he prayed, we see relationship Neh had built with God allowed him such communion! (Secret: We can have that, too darlings <3)! Neh could have jumped to conclusions. He could have spat off the first thing that impulse brought to his thoughts (which I fear I do far too often). But He prayed to the Lord, who knows the outcome of every situation and authored the encounter himself.

This section continues with Neh asking for time away (using va-cay days to work!), protection and transportation needs.

"And because the gracious hand of my God was on me, the king granted my requests." Neh 4:8.

Not only were his requests met, but the king supplied more.

More than what he needed. God outdoes himself when He sees obedience in our hearts, friends.

Though the king was the vessel of God's provision, do not be mistaken. God made this happen. God, who heard the prayers of a broke heart in the scene before. God, who had made a way before Neh ever knew the situation was approaching. God softened the heart of yet another king in history on behalf of the people that He loved, the people that were His.

If you belong to Jesus, he is ALWAYS working on your behalf for your good and His glory. <3
He hears your prayers, and makes a way that we might have never imaged.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD." - Isaiah 55:8

They are better. They are higher. They are trustworthy.

Happy Monday, loves <3

Nehemiah Chapter Two: Prayers Come to Life!

Nehemiah Chapter One: Dude gets bad news

On a normal day... in a prestigious city... a working man was delivered some bad news.

We meet Nehemiah as he is in the citadel of Susa (Persia), aka a busy, hoppin place.
You see, Nehemiah held a position of honor and trust: the King of Persia's cupbearer (this is important, remember this for the future post!)
He is in the middle of his day to day transactions, possibly involving important meetings or errands for the king, and bam; here show up his family from Judah. (As family so lovely does at times :)).

Nehemiah questions the welfare of the remaining people left in his city, as there had been exile in previous years. He does not receive the answer his hope reached for.  His brother, Hanani, and company fill him in on the state of "trouble and disgrace" that fills his hometown.

The terrible news delivered:
"The wall of Jerusalem is broken down, and its gates have been burned with fire." -Ch 1:3
Destroyed. Left alone.
The protection the city had known had been reduced to rubble. Those who had already survived an exile of their country were suffering from terrible vulnerability. You see, the wall served as a symbol of their protection, strength, and territory... and it had been demolished, stripped of its purpose. Gaping holes, rubbled rock, and shattered pieces.

I wonder if any of us have ever experienced a feeling of lost protection, vulnerability, and rubble. Have you ever felt left with pieces? Broken down from fires in life, and smashed where the lines between what is you and everything else in life blends together? I imagine this is the state the jews found themselves in.

At this horrible news Nehemiah's heart is broken. He mourns, and weeps, and fasts before God.
You see that last part is important... he brings his mourning before the Lord. In this prayer, Nehemiah faces the truth with God, and does not try to blame the Lord, but instead inquires of God the promises He had already laid out. He takes hold of what he knows to be true, and hold God to his word in confidence and humility:

"Yahweh, the God of heaven, the great and awe-inspiring God who keeps His gracious covenant with those who love Him and keep His commands, let Your eyes be open and Your ears be attentive to hear Your servant’s prayer that I now pray to You day and night for Your servants, the Israelites. I confess the sins we have committed against You. Both I and my father’s house have sinned. 7 We have acted corruptly toward You and have not kept the commands, statutes, and ordinances You gave Your servant Moses. 8 Please remember what You commanded Your servant Moses: “If you are unfaithful, I will scatter you among the peoples. 9 But if you return to Me and carefully observe My commands, even though your exiles were banished to the ends of the earth, I will gather them from there and bring them to the place where I chose to have My name dwell.” 10 They are Your servants and Your people. You redeemed them by Your great power and strong hand. 11 Please, Lord, let Your ear be attentive to the prayer of Your servant and to that of Your servants who delight to revere Your name. Give Your servant success today, and have compassion on him in the presence of this man."

-Nehemiah 1:5-11

This story continues in a beautiful response from God that began with a proper response to horrible, devastating news.

Nehemiah took a posture of prayer when struck with pain, and God orchestrated a story of overwhelming restoration. 

Do you long for restoration? Sweetheart, our God is able to handle the extent of brokenness you feel. He felt brokenness to the highest extent on a cross, and a story rose from brokenness to save us from our rubble. The same God who's hole-handed body walked out of a grave is calling us out of our graves of hurt and hopelessness, and into light.

NO MATTER HOW BIG THE BROKENNESS, OR HOW SCARY THE FEAR, GOD IS AT WORK & ABLE TO SAVE YOU FROM IT.

Today can we ask Him how we can allow him to work more? To just do the very next thing: surrender to Him. <3
The best is yet to come... read on as I post to find out.

Nehemiah Chapter One: Dude gets bad news

Adaptation

Here in Tennessee we are currently experiencing an epidemic of psychological confusion...

The stinking weather. 

You see, one day I am bundled from from scarf to sock, braving the cold parking lot journeys (of which I am convinced double in length in pesky weather)...only to shed the layers as I leave for lunch, with windows down and sun on my face! Oh, the teases of spring! A heart can only take so much! Am I right, people? 

As simple as the shifting of the weather, doesn't it seem hard to continually prepare for what might be next without knowing? 

Scarves and socks prove minuscule when we face bank accounts and retirement plans, the losses of loved ones, and beginnings of jobs. Each moment is continually birthing a new one completely unique to itself, coming and going as quickly as its predecessor. As soon as we become comfortable with our the current state, we are aware we must constantly preparing for the next bullet point on our agenda.

So what about The Lord? Through my life the two consistencies I can recall are The Lord and change. In Hebrews 11, the "hall of faith", as my Michelle likes to call it, Moses' story is presented as an example for his ability to face change head on. From the home of humble jews, to the elite of the Egyptians, there could not be a more drastic story of change in his life. So what did he do? What do we do? 

"he persevered because he saw him who is invisible." -Hebrews 11:27

As we attempt our adaptations we can look at Moses' life and see how to approach whatever change is happening in our life: big or small, positive or negative, thrilling or terrifying (some of which are ahead of me, too!)

We can and must look to The Ever-Constant, The Solid Ground, The Never Changing, but always with us in ours.

Jesus is face of consistency. He began our stories, and numbered our days. He established the earth, yet He founded our footsteps. 

If we seek the Author, our adaptations will be still be necessary, but they will not consume us. 

Because really, the most important change is happening within us, as we trust and know our Savior more.

Adaptation