A peek into my journal

I was reading through my old journal from the past year, and I came across several entries that I wanted to share. I hope you find encouragement, and pray the holy spirit touches your soul with warmth, reminding you of the closeness and intimacy He shares with you! Rest in it, soak in it, and live out of it. Enjoy!

January 12, 2014
Tell me what tears your heart,
Speak what fills your mind,
What clenches your jaw,
Antagonizes your life?
Pour out your heart before me,
Let me be your closest friend,
One that lends an ear,
And stills your heart from within,
Nothing you say can move Me,
I am constant, and do not shift,
As you pour out your worry, your burden I will lift,
My arms open for you, daughter,
Rest your cheeks into my palms,
For you my face smiles,
For you, my heart longs

March 21,2014
Getting up with the sun,
Allowing what was to be undone,
Slipping on simplicity,
Holding fast to what you whisper to me,
The strongest, softest color sweeping over all I owe,
Knowing more, and being known,
The Glory of the morning

May 15, 2014
Open palms are my worship,
Open palms are my weakness,
Open palms lead to life,
An emptied fullness

July 28, 2014 with recent edit
I was her,
She was me,
Hidden, cloaked with daylight that no one might see,
From the arms of one, to the grip of another,
Though I tried to hide, my shame refused to be covered,
But this hand, reached my heart through the thickness of thwart,
This Life water I drank refused to remain in the dark,
These sin stained chains, they break, and I am bondage free by sweet Grace,
Daylight uncovered me, all, come and see,
I am not condemned, but awake

Thanks for reading :)

A peek into my journal

Oh Come, Let Us Adore Him

The words of this Christmas song have been so thoughtfully woven with a twist by the lovely Kari Jobe. They so tangibly reached out to my need yesterday afternoon, preparing my stubborn heart for Christmas and paving the dry, cracked roads to worshiping. These lyrics became so precious after her revised intro, and I felt the tenderness as I joined, "Oh come, let us adore Him." I hope you join me, darlings.

You see, my heart grows tired of want. Longing for a perfection that will not come until heaven, discomfort had found me in my Ford Escape, driving to Target in the normalcy of yesterday morning. As I spoke my heart to the Lord, but mostly to myself (yes, I do that),  of wants and waiting, of tired and trouble (hardly), Jesus met me with a softening reminder. One the season lends, one that offered much relatability (yes, made up word).

"Countless days on a journey that led so far, endless nights they traveled to follow the star"

This first lyric drew my attention in. This feels endless, this feels far, I thought as I turned up the volume with intent. I imagine the wise men and shepherds thought the same thing as they traveled as the song states. Without a clue where they were going, and quite possibly with several nicks and stumbles along the way. I imagine that the 400 years prior of silence from God felt vastly larger, vastly longer, and deeply confusing. I am sure now, that I do not always get it, understand, that I have no clue where I am heading, and that I have definitely doubted along this path.

But I am even more sure that the birth of a baby changed every inkling inch.

The past, at the time - present, and reaching me all the way here in the future. This baby thing, this baby boy, this Jesus King, he changes us, loves. He exceeds time, and space, and wonder, and is everything we hoped for but nothing we expected. He is. HE is.

"They did not find a palace, just a humble village home, and searching for a king, but finding a child, no crown. no throne."

And as I recall times in my life, I am so thankful that Jesus was not what I expected. I am so incredibly, insanely ecstatic that his thoughts are not my thoughts, and his ways are not my ways.

"Still they bowed down....

Come let us adore Him."

Oh Come, Let Us Adore Him

Who do you call Him?

The Light Life some say, The Bear it No More,
The Close to the Sinner, The Lover of Whores,
The Shake Off Your Shackles, the Come Follow Me
some even say he's Redemption is Free,
Water that Lives, and Peace Poured on Wounds,
Messenger, Counselor, Bearer of Bright News,
The Giver of Grace, The Word in the Flesh,
The One Brave Enough to Journey into My Mess,
Provision Provider, Better Adam, and Love
Forgiveness Forbearer, The One Who has Come,
Sin Savior, Heart Freer, Payer of Blood,
A Baby, A Man, The One True, Holy God,
My Jesus, My friend, My Here, and My Now,
My Past, My Reward, My Solid Rock, My Firm Ground,

Who do you call Him?

Poetry Corner with Phoebs :) "Shaking Shackles"

This unexpected turbulence,
its pace no present to find,
this chaotic contribution,
controlling patterns in my mind,
thrown by distant sorrows,
tossed by past times,
but You meet me in my muck,
You stand white while knee deep in mire mine,
You don't let go, you say you won't,
when I know I'm sinking deeper,
You don't let go, I know you won't,
as the hope you lend sees clearer,
this pit, you see, has not swallowed me,
instead I'm owned by grace,
each day remind, by those things I am ill defined,
these shackles, through mercy, I shake

Poetry Corner with Phoebs :) "Shaking Shackles"

When Getting is Good

Hello Sisters :) I want to start out by saying thank you for taking a moment to open up this blog and see what you might find. Any blog I choose to click on is like an unopened present, and each time I click I hope to find some new insight, a laugh, or best, when they are combined. I hope that you find that when your mouse moves to my link!

Speaking of presents.... (lame segue!)

Isn't the Christmas season soon to dawn upon us? In my home is already has! Oh, how the gift buying, treat making, music playing put a twinkle in my eye, and increase the happy in my heart. This year in particular I feel like I have truly mastered the best ideas for my family members: simple and sweet gifts personalized just for them. Buying for others is so fun because you get to know that person all over again. Follow me? If not, think about it. It is as if you are solving a problem. What does my human of choice need, desire, or think "no-one-will-know-they-want-this-thing" want? In penciling down these thoughts (if even in your mind), you outline the evidence of many reasons you love person A or person B, or discover new ways in which you can know them better.  It is a joy.

I have gone on about gift giving to get to just that, IT IS A JOY to give sweet ones. So, why would we dare take away from that in being guilty receivers? Guilty gift receivers not only rob themselves of joy, but the ones giving. In our christian culture we appropriately, and very necessarily,  spend much of our energy thinking about giving to those in need. But in this well intended heart, we tend to feel guilt about receiving from loved ones. I do, at least! I wake up Christmas morning with a pile full of things, and find myself feeling .... excited, at first! "Look at all this awesome stuff!! Now I have this, this, and that to add to my collection of.... STUFF!" After the high of excitement settles, the guilt settles in like a fog, in which I sulk about my excitement, and my focus leaves my present setting of family and warmth, to guilt and shame. Hmmmm. Something wrong here?

I'm typing today to suggest another venue for this guilt to be transformed. No, not to greed, not to stinginess, but to open arms freely receiving what is given with a thankful and loving heart! How free are we, sisters, to give, and be given, to love, and be loved, to share, and be shared with. This is GRACE! That we are freely given from a heart of love, that we are known in our deepest needs, and in our deepest desires. That we can replicate this transaction in a little holiday we celebrate, and that we can then again, upon every thought out gift, lift our eyes to the one who is the ultimate Gift Giver. Who knew  us deeply, who saw our need, and who provided so, so much more.

This is the Gospel, and this is Christmas.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above" - James 1:17

So receive, beloveds, what has been paid at such a high price. Then receive sweaters, receive scarves, and candy, and poorly given, unthought out gifts! Because they are more than what we hold in our hands, they are what is in a heart behind them. 

"Freely you have received; freely give."- Matthew 10:8d

And go, and give! Share in the joy of knowing a person more deeply, because we are known and loved. We get to know others, and LOVE THEM! WOOO HOO CHRISTMAS!

-A little too excited,

Phoebe

When Getting is Good

Let the Carpenter Carve

Well I told you this blog would be risky-inconsistency, did I not?

Here I am a month and a half later, and Jesus has touched my heart once again. The fact that I can speak that brings such hope to my heart. He is faithful to continually change us, and shape us, even when it seems like nothing new has come in many seasons. That is exactly when he sweeps through like a fresh breath of air and reminds you that he is always with us, in us, and working to the day of completion. HOPE is a beautiful, earth shattering and rebuilding kind of notion, my dears.

This past month, God has been preparing me to hear about boundaries.... (Doesn't quite appear hopeful... does it? READ ON!) You see, chaos has run me flat to the ground! Between school, work, hormones, and LIFE, I have been spent, running from the inside out, and back in again. The thing about chaos is it does not just want a part of you, but all of you. My diet has been insane, my sleep has been restless, and my emotional stability went out the window with the rest of the mess.
As I walked into the women's life group I attend on Tuesday night, I was aware of how fragile I felt, and I needed some serious hope. God had a message to whisper to me.

Galations 5:1
"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."

I always love that freedom part. You know, the way we manipulate freedom in our humanness to declare any choice that feels best that day? I speak freedom to myself on many occasions to justify my over spending, over eating, 5th diet coke, you name it. The thing is this freedom eventually turns into just the opposite. Chaos. As the speaker so truthfully spoke, we begin to become enslaved to those things, that by themselves are not necessarily evil. Our addiction to them is what becomes a haunting enslavement. We must set boundaries around those good gifts from Jesus to truly live in freedom.

I have been so enslaved.... BY MY OWN WILL! By my fears, my schedules, my desires, that I have lost track of the freedom Christ died for! If that is not insanity, I'm not sure what is.

It's scary and uncomfortable to set boundaries.... Who likes to be told no?
But the promise of heeding instruction from the Lord is too good to pass up...
"Whoever heeds life-giving correction will be at home among the wise. Those who disregard discipline despise themselves, but the one who heeds correction gains understanding."
-Provers 15:31-32

"My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, for they will prolong your life many years and bring your peace and prosperity. Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones."
-Proverbs 3:1-8

As I took small, baby steps to set boundaries from the Lord yesterday, I felt like I had failed miserably. But this morning when my eyes opened, I felt a deep refreshment in my soul. My eyes were less puffy than usual, and I felt HAPPY. The sun shone this morning after buckets of rain poured yesterday, and my leg which was LITERALLY hurt, feels healed. God honors the most humble of steps, and keeps his promises, his faithfulness, and encourages us all the more.
So step forward, move, fall, and be encouraged that the Lord is with us!!!
I love you with the heart of Jesus, and I am so glad we are in this together <3.

Til next time,
Phoebe

Let the Carpenter Carve

The ministry of Nature

Fall proceeded it's arrival date this morning, because who really ever comes when they are told? Even babies got the memo that coming when expected is not trendy. Either way, I'm in need of this new season. Not just because I am proudly apart of the yoga-pants wearing, PSL gang (or mob rather...), not because my mums look so beautiful to come home to, but because my heart sometimes needs such a tangible change, one that I can see, touch, and feel and sappily be reminded that the God of the universe creatively and faithfully causes that change. By seeing this, he does things to my heart.

As I type on my balcony with a big smile on my face (like the coo-coo my neighbors already know I am), I have such a joy this morning. I don't have some new, life altering or prophetic word to give you, but one of old that stings sweetly.
God knows when we need change, darlings. He knows when we desire it, and when we hate most to see it "invade". He is faithful to bring the seasons as a reminder of that...constant....revolving...blooming...dying life cycle he has woven into His life design. The seasons declare it, our lives replicate it, and the days even begin and end.

But on this particular September morning, I needed some things to die in my heart. Selfishness has taken some deep roots in my heart recently, and bloomed rather rapidly, fiercely, and out of control. You know, the kind of people who, on a whim, decide to start a garden, which therefore creates a jungle in their yard? Yeah, that kind. Ugly thorns, weeds, and all. I needed to see some selfishness wither with that cool breeze, and change into something orange, crisp, blowing right on by. Orange isn't here just yet, but yellow has turned the tips, and orange is not far off, friends. What change do you need this season?

From the Great Poet himself:

"There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2     a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3     a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
4     a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6     a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7     a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8     a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.
9 What do workers gain from their toil? 10 I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet[a] no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. "

- Ecclesiastes 3:1-12

The ministry of Nature

At the risk of inconsistency, I have decided to embark upon a new blog. Recently my heart has been pulsing,"write, Write, WRITE!" With a foot remaining on each side of the fence, I am deciding to step over onto the less protected side. Writing has not always been such a daunting task in my eyes; but as of recent, I must admit I am a little fearful of vulnerability. On that note, I will not be sharing this blog completely publicly on facebook or any further social media for personal reasons. So, if you are reading this, I have invited you into my messy heart a little deeper than surface. Obligation is not allowed here, so read as you wish and skip as you may :).

The thing is, I'm not quite sure what I have to say or offer. But, more than a maybe stirs in me that the opportunity to relate, encourage, and be encouraged to Jesus is well worth the risk. 

The title of my blog is relevant to me in this chapter of my life. It serves as a reminder that God will provide the strength of what we need, and we must clench to it for dear life, feel it in our hands, trust it, and refuse to let go.

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

"Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord." Psalm 31:24

"Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." Psalm 27:14

With Love, 

Phoebe