How Pain Points to Purpose

Time and time again I have the sense that pain is weaved into purpose. The thing is, I never want the pain to begin with.

I tried to think of a fluffy story to symbolize exhaustion, but all I can tell you about is how heavy my anxiety is and how loudly it screams ‘give up’ to areas of my life.


It’s the cross I bear. Can you think of yours?


The good news for us both, and it is truly GOOD NEWS, is that Jesus took up a really heavy cross before us and has shown us the Way to life through His pain. 


It wasn’t light and fluffy. It was hard and daunting… but purposeful and necessary.

“Then Jesus said to his disciples, "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.” - Matthew 16:24

When we deny ourselves and follow Jesus with our burdens, we are trusting that the way He has gone is indeed the way to life. The only way. He is leading us somewhere with our pain, even when all we see is the cross we are carrying. 


Paul conveys this in his message to the Philippians:

“I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.” - Philippians 3:10-12

You see it right there? In our suffering we are gaining the knowledge of the POWER of his resurrection. Pain is being transformed into power, and not just any power. Resurrection power! That’s the kind of power that brings hope to dead things, flesh to dry bones, health to malnourished hearts, healing to sickness, joy instead of morning, loving POWER.


The key is to press on, keeping our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of our faith (Hebrews 12).


There is a reason Jesus took hold of us, and we know it is for a hope and a future, to prosper us and not to harm us (Jer. 29:11), and by this hope of Jesus is an anchor for our souls when pain threatens to tear us to pieces.


I encourage you to not give in, but to remember Jesus  and “...all the hostility he endured from sinful people; then you won't become weary and give up.” - Hebrews 12:3


“Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. “Make level paths for your feet,” so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.” - Hebrews 12:12-13


Jesus turned death into life through a cross that became a symbol of hope. That cross was far from easy to bear, and taking up our cross won’t be either. But there is a life to press on to, and there is more healing and joy to experience. There is wholeness, there is heaven.


Keep going friend <3

How Pain Points to Purpose

God Won't Let Me Quit

“I love you so, SO much, Phoebe”

Tears wet my burrowed face as I sink deeper into the crevice of my arms. I came to this posture before Jesus, and there the world feels distant for a moment. It’s just Jesus. It’s just me, and as I stop speaking for a moment I hear God continually confess His love for me. He repeats that phrase, and I am so moved... but still stuck.

“I am not excited about discipline, God. But make me excited about You.” 

I pray out of frustration. I’ve been lingering in a season of stumped. I know God wants me to make changes, and I acknowledge His reasoning in agreement... and grab another guilty pleasure to end the convo. That’s how this works, right? Unfortunately... but oh so fortunately... nope.

“I want to give you more and more life, sweetheart.”

His persistence almost annoys me, until His grace reminds me how loving this whole thing happens to be. He keeps coming to me in my refusals, and beckons me to just bare my complete self to Him. Not in dictation, but out of a loving heart God asks for surrender. The will is there, and intent is good... but I almost don’t know how to relent. It is that simple. It is not natural to rend your heart over and release control entirely. I fight and I wrestle with this God who sees potential in me. I struggle and I run, and HE KEEPS ON. He keeps on.

I’m undone, and done, and ready.

Jesus wants the all of us, sweetie. The whole enchilada on the plate. The further we walk with Him, the more He asks of us. He trains us to continually sell out to Him, and its hard. And I want to tell you that there are days that I just want to quit; really, there are! But the mercy God offers me and the love He, Himself He has carved out for me is just too deep. I realize when I want to quit, I have often complicated where our gracious God simplifies and works it all out.

So friend, come back to Jesus with me. Grab my hand and let’s keep moving towards whatever the will of God is calling us. It is hard because it’s worth it. It hurts because it is changing us. There is more ahead, and it is going to be good. He has already marked this thing out for us; Let’s go!

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,” - Hebrews 12:1

“But true discipline is a far cry from legalism - thank God! The difference lies in motivation:  Legalism is self centered; discipline is God-centered. the legalistic heart says, “I will do this to gain merit with God.” The disciplined heart says,: I will do this because I love God and want to please him.” The true heart of discipline is relationship - a relationship with God.” - Barbara Hughes, Disciplines of a Godly Woman

God Won't Let Me Quit

Nehemiah Day 10: Let's Be Real

Burlap is a trend that has taken over the event/wedding scene the past couple of years, but I can assure you sackcloth was not all the rage during this decade. 

Nevertheless, this is where we find our friends...

Today in chapter 9, we see the neighborhood come together again, uniting once again for a purpose.

"On the twenty-fourth day of the same month, the Israelites gathered together, fasting and wearing sackcloth and putting dust on their heads. Those of Israelite descent had separated themselves from all the foreigners. They stood in their places and confessed their sins and the sins of their ancestors. They stood where they were and read from the Book of the Law of the Lord their God for a quarter of the day, and spent another quarter in confession and in worshiping the Lord their God." - 9:1-3

In Day 9 we saw how the Israelites were hungry to hear God's law. They carved out time to unite in understanding His word and His heart towards them. The Israelites had experienced the joy and satisfaction God's truth brought their hearts.

Today, we see this stirring only left them wanting more! 
You see, the Law that had been read to them required a response. The Lord had instructed them to confess sin and return to Him, and He would be their God. They acted in faith by following the guidelines set out for them by the Lord. Sometimes faith is simple, practical obedience. 
Following their roadmap for repentance, they came together and confessed sin of their own, and sin that did not even belong to them! They wanted to set the record completely straight before God, who is pleased by a pure heart.

Their prayer (that is totally worth reading 9:5-37), involved more than confession. They continually acknowledged God for his patience, constant compassion, and infinite power. My prayers should look more like looking at God, than looking at me. See some of their recollections below:

"But you are a forgiving God, gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love. Therefor you did not desert them,"  - 9:17

"For many years you were patient with them." 9:30

"But in your great mercy you did not put an end to them or abandon them, for you are a gracious and merciful God." 9:31

"In all that has happened to us, you have remained righteous; you have acted faithfully, while we acted wickedly." - 9:33

Our shortcomings always point back to a God who's  FULL-filling. 

What can we take away from these honest prayers?

If we structure our prayers in truth, I have a feeling God is pleased. 

• We can look at Truth in our prayers; He has a face. We can and should acknowledge who God is before and after us, from everlasting to everlasting.

• We can look at Truth in the bible, and see countless measures of His faithful acts and heart. Taking those stories we learn, and reminding and acknowledging God with those in prayer is a great way to start. It gives us a resume of who we are talking to! Also we are given a perfect mirror to see where we stand.

• Next, our prayers should show the truth of who were are. We can confess before God what fills our heart, and how we have messed up. Truth of where it hurts, and where we have hurt. Truth of dreams and hopes, and honest desires, and concerns...If we lay our real, honest hearts bare before God (as he already sees us), and ask for His Truth to change our present state, we can have peace with God through Jesus (Romans 5:1). 

He is our perfect match.  He will guide us in what's next from there.

Precious Lord, You are a faithful and loving God. We lay our hearts bare before you. You know our hidden places, hurts, and hopes. You know the truth we need in You. Draw our hearts to You that we might have a clearer picture of who You are. When we see You, there is not a way we won't be changed! Call us to prayer that pleases You, and changes us. Guide us that we might be obedient from there. We want to know you, Jesus. In your precious name, Amen.

Nehemiah Day 10: Let's Be Real

Nehemiah Day 9:

Today we will pick up in chapter 8.

"The Israelites had settled in their towns, all the people came together as one in the square before the Water gate." 8:1 

The Israelites moved into the neighborhood. How marvelous must it have been to see a ghost town come back to life? Unpacked and probably unsure what to make of their made new-old home, they gathered for some new neighbor mingling. Though this was much different than that awkward community bar-b-que you probably so deeply love...

I imagine that the Israelites wanted to get it right this time. Don't we all? They had seen the miracle the Lord had provided them in reviving their home, and they wanted to honor Him. So they sent for the priest to instruct them from the Law of God, and Ezra was the guy for the job.

"He read it aloud from daybreak till noon as he faced the square before the Water Gate in the presence of the men, women and others who could understand. And all the people listened attentively to the Book of the Law." 8:2-3

They listened. They cared. They longed for what was true, and in that desire they went straight to the source of truth: God's word. 

"Ezra praised the Lord, the great God; and all the people lifted their hands and responded, "Amen! Amen!" Then they bowed down and worshiped the Lord with their faces to the ground." 8:6

When truth shows up on the scene, it pushes out what is untrue within us. We are untangled from lies, and set free in what remains. Truth moves us straight to worship because we see plainly the faithfulness of God. It was the Laws of God that brought them joy! Boundaries are good for us, friends. They safeguard our heart and entire being for protection. They liberate us, making room for freedom, not vice versa.

In case that wasn't enough, The Levites, who were responsible to God for the priesthood of the people,"instructed the people in the Law while the people were standing there. They read from the Book of the Law of God, making it clear and giving the meaning so that the people understood what was being read." 8:8

So before the people had fully understood the truth, they reacted to it. God is vast, and in our simplicity of human nature it can be hard to decode the words of our Holy and Almighty God. We need His Holy Spirit to teach us. Seeing their desire, God so cared that He provided those who could put the Word into laymen's terms.

We don't have to turn away from truth if we don't understand; we simply ask God for His insight and trust that whether or not we receive it, our response should still be worship. Worship for what we comprehend, and worship in awe in that we cannot fathom. 

The Israelites had probably reached some emotional hi's that day, to say the least! Our homes Neh calls it time to feast. Thank goodness there is a time for that!

"Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have noting prepared. This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength." 8:10

"Then all the people went away to eat and drink, to send portions of food and to celebrate with great joy, because they now understood the words that had been made known to them." 8:12

Bring us joy through Your Words, Sweet Lord, that we might be changed and strengthened by them. You are our One True King. Thank you for letting us in on how to live. Thank you for the rest we can find by simply trusting in Your Name.  Push us to push towards you, and strengthen your daughters in truth that we might honor You more. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Nehemiah Day 9:

Nehemiah Day 8: A Message

My heart is soft this morning, and I feel the Lord has a message for us.

"When all our enemies heard about this, all the surrounding nations were afraid and lost their self-confidence, because they realized this work had been with the help of our God." 6:16

I have to stop there today. I have to attest to the truth in this statement, and I have to raise my hands and bow my heart to the wisdom of our Lord. Each road I have walked hand in hand with the Lord has led to His perfect plan, perfect peace, and more of His Presence. No matter how narrow the path, God never leaves our sides, sweetheart. Do you hear it? He never leaves you, never forsakes you, no matter how messy times may feel.

He calls us to step out in obedience to Him, just like Nehemiah & so many other stories in scripture. We simply step in step, and He directs, counsels, guides, provides, comforts, and so much more. He takes care of you, loved one... the whole package, the whole deal.

God calls us in our inadequacy because HE is adequate! 

Nehemiah had never built a wall to this scale; He was a rookie!! But the Lord put in his heart (7:5) how to go proceed throughout the process. Noah had never built an ark (no one had)!!! But the Lord instructed and rewarded obedience.

He calls us in trust because His ways are perfect!! God gets things done in us and through us as His vessels. He uses us because he chooses to, and He cares about our involvement. He doesn't have to. Even the rocks will cry out if we do not (Luke 19:40). It is a privilege to be chosen by the One True God.

That Holy God, that Most High King bends down to listen to you, little love. He wraps you up under the covering of His wings, singing over you. Let Him today. Don't miss this right now. Allow Him to achieve His purposes in His wisdom. As for us? Let's just crawl underneath His shelter and trust He is God, and He will show us the way.

His Help alone will make our enemies turn back and shudder. Jesus is our victory.

Nehemiah Day 8: A Message

Nehemiah Day 7: Seeking Wisdom

Great progress has been made on this project! Nehemiah was determined to finish what he began for the Lord.  I find it by no mistake that the 3 attempted attacks we will read about today come in the same chapter that the wall was completed.

We have a loving God who heals our hearts and lives, and we have a vicious enemy who is always seeking to destroy them (John 10:10). Even more so when he sees progression in our lives.

"...I had rebuilt the wall and not a gap was left in it-" 6:1

Ever so nonchalantly our buddy shares this huge victory! Hard work and effort and determination had been disciplined by Neh and others for this to happen, but the glory belonged to The Lord.

In the same breath of this proclamation, Neh tells us that his enemies were "scheming to harm me;" (6:2). His enemies did not come out and say harm was their mission, but God given wisdom and discernment was given to Nehemiah to test their invitations to meet.

Not only once did they ask Neh to meet, but four times they insisted! The enemy doesn't give up easily, friends. Nehemiah consistently responded to each four invitations with reason. He was not going to leave his work to meet without valid cause.

Clearly seeing that Neh was not willing to meet their request, they changed their game plan. The fifth advance of this attack came with a sealed letter reading:

"It is reported among the nations and Geshem says it is true - that you and the Jews are plotting to revolt, and therefore you are building the wall. Moreover, according to these reports you are about to become their king and have even appointed prophets to make this proclamation about you in Jerusalem: "There is a king in Judah!" Now this report will get back to the king; so come, let us meet together." 6:6-7

Nah, Neh's not having it.

"I sent him this reply: Nothing like what you are saying is happening; you are just making it up out of your head."  6:8

In desperation, Neh's enemies straight up lie! They accuse, mislead, and make up info to try and sway our buddy. Those are the tools of the theif!

Sweetheart, if news comes to you in this manner, be sure to test it before God, and know this is not His nature! The Lord does not accuse, he convicts to bring us to Himself. In fact, Satan himself is called the Accuser (Rev. 12:10)!!

"They were trying to frighten us, thinking "Their hands will get to weak for the work, and it will not be completed. But I prayed, "Now strengthen my hands." 6:9

Neh saw straight through the intent of this message. But even in his determination, Nehemiah was weak. Only human. He knew it would take God's strength to complete and combat. So reaching out in confidence, he invited God in once again.

We learn from our friend in his consistency to pray when he faces opposition. Because attack wasn't stopping there...Each time the attacks against him became more deceitful, hidden, and harder to discern. And each time The Lord gave Nehemiah what was needed to see the truth.

While visiting a local resident's home, a third attack is attempted. The suggestion is made to leave:

"Let us meet in the house of God, inside the temple, and let us close the temple doors, because men are coming to kill you - by night they are coming to kill you." 6:10

Though intent initially appeared to be good, Neh refused the idea of running away from trouble that confronted him. It is important for us to look deeper than the surface of a matter. 

God also allows Nehemiah to see that "God had not sent him (the message deliverer). He had been hired to intimidate me so that I would commit a sin by doing this, and then they would give me a bad name to discredit me." 6:12-13

If Satan cannot stop you by discouraging you, he will try to tempt and discredit you. 
This is not God's nature! The Lord is the exact opposite!

"A thief comes only to steal and to kill and to destroy. I have come so that they may have life and have it in abundance." - John 10:10

The Lord we serve is completely able. He is full of wisdom to direct us, strength to fuel us, and had abundant life to give us. The mission in front of you might seem difficult... and it is, love. On our own we have nothing, but in Jesus we have it all! Look to Him, as our buddy Neh did. Ask Him to strengthen you to press forward, and to equip you with discernment & wisdom.

"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." - James 1:5


His ways are good, and His precepts are trustworthy, and He always comes through! Though war wages against us, He will not lose us in battle if we choose Him!


Happy weekend, loves <3

Nehemiah Day 7: Seeking Wisdom

Nehemiah Day 6: Acting Faithfully

We left off in part one of chapter 5 with Nehemiah standing up for the poor. He stood boldly, and gave a voice to the underprivileged. Nehemiah used his position of authority to act for the justice of others.

Today, let's focus more on how Nehemiah's actions enabled others to live more freely.

The Lord had entrusted Neh with a project... I imagine he did not know he had signed up for the responsibility of the people as well! But regardless, He took what was entrusted to Him by God seriously. If we look to scripture, we can find some insight and wisdom by looking at his responses:

1. He confronted the source of the problem.

Nehemiah's response to injustice was anger, but in his anger he did not sin. Instead, he "called a large meeting to deal with them" (5:7). Once the people were gathered he did not shy away from the truth, but shed light to what was happening: "What you are doing is not right. Shouldn't you walk in the fear of our God to avoid the reproach of our Gentile enemies? I and my brothers and my men are also lending the people money and grain. But let us stop charging interest!" (5:9-10)

2. He held those under his leadership/influence accountable. He took action in justice.

"Give back to them immediately their fields, vineyards, olive groves and houses, and also the interest you are charging them - one percent of the money, grain, new wine and olive oil." (5:11)  

& Guess what? They listened! It was Nehemiah's job to call to action and remind them of truth, but God changes hearts to comply.

3. He led by example at the cost of his own comforts.

Nehemiah shares his official nomination for governor, and he handles his position with humility by honoring God. People in special position had previously been allotted more resources and land from the people's tax... but "it placed a heavy burden on the people" (5:15). He could have demanded what he was "owed"..."But out of reverence for God I did not act like that. Instead, I devoted myself to the work on this wall" (5:15-16). Neh was not excluded from making change; it cost something of him as well. His heart had to be to honor God, and not himself. Our motives must always be to make Him prosper, not ourselves. 

4. He gave more than was asked.

While problem solving might have sufficed, Nehemiah did not stop there. Not only did he accept less for himself, he generously shared what was given to him with others. "A hundred and fifty Jews and officials ate at my table, as well as those who came to us from the surrounding nations" (5:17). He prepared feasts for huge parties .... at his table! I don't know about you, but cooking for two is crazy at times... but Neh invited others into the blessing that had been shared and prepared for him. How sweet!

You see, Nehemiah committed all he had to God. His plans, his purpose, his provisions existed only to please the Lord. 

"Commit your actions to the LORD, and your plans will succeed." - Proverbs 16:3

"Therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, I urge you to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God; this is your spiritual worship." - Romans 12:1

What has God entrusted to you in this life? Family? Friendships? Marriages and occupations? Desires, talents and skills? How can we honor God in these? Let's ask him to help us, because if we are willing... don't you think He has been all along? Precious one, the Lord can multiply the insufficient fish and bread we think we offer, and make miracles... Just ask a young boy who gave what he had to Jesus, and experienced satisfaction for many! Our obedience is not only for us, but for others as well <3. Let's not miss it!

To Jesus be all the glory, and honor, and power <3 Amen.

Nehemiah Day 6: Acting Faithfully